Art of Lovemaking - Better Sex for Women
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10 things about Women and Making Love

by Leigh A.

Women have a clitoris

It is not located within the vaginal passage, and it is not the same thing as the elusive "g-spot". I'm quite convinced that many of you, (men) do not know where it is or what it looks like- that's OK! It took us women a while to figure it out too. [maybe we could have some kind of 'helpful diagram' here]. To help you find it in light or dark, think of it this way. The entire vagina is reminiscent of a little slot in the woman's flesh. If you're navigating by feel, sliding your finger or the tip of your tongue up the slit (towards her bellybutton) will bring you to a little "loop" in her flesh. Inside the loop is the pebble-sized clitoris. The clitoris becomes harder and more prominent during a woman's arousal.

Stimulation

Keeping Fact 1 in mind- as a general rule, stimulation of the vaginal opening/passage alone will NOT bring most women to orgasm. In other words, she won't like it if you try to stick your tongue in her mercilessly and repetitively. Some women do; but most will be rapidly bored. The solution to this is NOT, contrary to popular belief, to just lick her harder, or faster. Clitoral stimulation is the major key to pleasure for a woman.

Sensitive areas

The clitoris itself very sensitive. I beg on behalf of all women everywhere- please don't bite it. Nibbling is OK- but just as most men don't enjoy teeth during a blow job, women don't enjoy it during cunnilingus. Being that the clitoris is so sensitive, focusing all of your oral attention on it will probably be overstimulation.

The Hood

Instead, focus attention on the loop of flesh around the actual clitoris- the clitoral hood, as it's called. Usually this protrudes slightly from the labia (vaginal lips) and is a less direct and more pleasant way of stimulating the clitoris. Gentle suction and tongue pressure on this area can be very nice.

More sensitive areas

There's about a half inch to an inch long patch of flesh including the base of the clitoris and the vaginal opening- a woman's orgasm is caused when that nerve is regularly expanded and contracted, or subjected to friction. Although this can be caused by either penetration or clitoral stimulation alone, it's more effective and satisfying when the woman gets both. Therefore, I recommend using both tongue and fingers when giving oral sex to a woman. It depends of course on her individual preference- encourage her to tell you what she wants. I've found that gentle clitoral massage with plenty of pressure and friction, applied with the tongue, plus a finger or two (she may ask for more/less) actually inside the vagina is effective and enjoyable. Vary the degree, speed, and intensity of your fingers inside her, but try to remain fairly constant on the clitoris area with your tongue, unless she asks you to do something else.

Orgasm

Although women can orgasm more frequently than men, it generally takes them longer and it is more difficult. A large amount of women can say that they've never experienced an orgasm, or are unsure whether or not they have. More will say that they orgasm very rarely. What am I getting at? When giving cunnilingus, the number one thing to keep in mind is HAVE PATIENCE. I recommend you pace yourself. When you first get your lips on her, both you and her will probably be very excited. However, don't just attack with your mouth, because you'll run out of steam fast, and then you will have a numb tongue and a sore jaw, and she'll be angry with you. Think of it as running a marathon. You don't start out sprinting. Actually,if you build her up gradually, she will enjoy it more, and you will become exhausted and out-of-breath less easily.

Repetition

This is possibly the most important thing to remember when orally pleasuring a female. From my experience, men can orgasm at just about anything that they think feels good. For a woman, it's EXTREMELY IMPORTANT *not* to vary too much when you find something that she likes. When you're getting her warmed up, it's fine to try different spots and rhythms. But when you're right down to it, and she seems to be enjoying what you're doing, DO NOT CHANGE IT. Women need steady, rhythmic, repetitive stimulation. If you take out your fingers, put your tongue someplace else, or start rubbing in a different direction- REMEMBER- you're basically starting all over with her as far as making her orgasm. Adding a finger is fine- increasing intensity or speed is fine- but don't break the style that you're using unless she tries verbally or with her hands to adjust what you're doing.

The Taste

I've met many who enjoy the taste of a woman, and many people who don't. It's difficult for me personally to describe, but it's very distinctive. When trying it for the first time, I suggest that you get used to it by smelling and taking tiny "dips" with your tongue. If you really can't abide it, the solution is to have an altoid (or two) in your mouth before going down. The woman will probably understand- she'd rather have you pop a mint than refuse to do it if she wants you to. Besides, I've heard from lots of women that a strong mint can cause a tingling sensation for her.

Rip-roaring orgasm

How do you know when she's having an orgasm? Many women will tell you so while they're having it. Some will increase the pitch, volume, or frequency of the noises they make- or start making noises if there were none before. As far as physical signs, they vary from woman to woman. Sometimes, a tension and swelling occurs just before orgasm, and then is released after it. Women don't ejaculate in the way men do, but in some, an increase, varying from subtle to very noticeable, in her vaginal fluid will occur, around the opening of the vagina. If you're really skillful, you can notice the pulsing of her muscles. During stimulation, you may notice a muscle clench or spasm every so often in her vagina. When the frequency of these spasms becomes closer together and the spasms themselves get more intense, you know she is close. Think of how you know a thunderstorm is getting nearer.

How long can it last ?

The length of time that a woman experiences an orgasm varies from woman to woman; the average time is around 15-30 seconds. During this time, when you're sure you've pushed her over the edge, you can prolong her intense pleasure by increasing the intensity of your licking (pressing a little harder, longer) and then gradually slowing your tongue down. Right after orgasm, the clitoris becomes much more sensitive than usual, so giving it direct contact is no longer advisable. Bring her down gently by cleaning the folds of her skin with your tongue, and gently licking the opening to the vagina.

Leigh A. is a contributor who has written this beautiful article on how to love a woman. She is a bisexual, and proud of it. Watch here for more articles from her. Your Ad Here

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